A Hot Meal!

This one is just too gross. Don't read this one while eating lunch!

Cast: 3 Lost Campers
Setting: Woods

#1: Boy, am I hungry! We haven't eaten in days!
#2: Me too.
#3: And I would just love a hot meal.

#1: (Looking to ground) Wow! A rabbit! Jump it! (#1 & 2 jump it and catch it; they start to eat it.)
#2: (Looking back at #3) Would you like some?
#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.
#1: Suit yourself.

(A little later)
#2: Hey! A squirrel! Get it!
(#1 & 2 get it and start tearing it apart)
#1: (To #3) Would you like a morsel?
#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.

(A little later)
#1: Wow! A moose!
#2: Be very quiet. (#1 & 2 jump it and kill it; they start eating it)
#1: Look, there's plenty here, we don't need to keep it all to ourselves, even if we did get this without your help. There's too much to eat anyway. Want any?
#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.
#2: Are you sure? You haven't eaten anything for even longer than us two.
#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.

(After a while,)
#1: Boy, I'm stuffed.
#2: Me too. But I think I'm getting sick. (Throws up.)
#1: I'm sick, too. (Throws up.)
#3: Wow! A hot meal!

Props: A large cooking pot and mugs for actors

1st Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink)
"This camp coffee is getting worse".

2nd Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink)
"This camp tea is getting worse".

3rd Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink)
"This camp hot chocolate is getting worse".

4th Scout- (Walks up to pot, dips his hands in and takes out a pair of wet socks. As he wrings them out he says)
"I thought that would get them clean!"

Number of Participants: 5 or more
Props: Flashlight

Scene: One person acts as a lamp post, shining a flashlight on the ground.

Another (#1) is groping around in the pool of light.

A third person enters, sees # 1, and asks: "What are you looking for ?"
# 1: "A quarter that I lost".

He joins # 1, and helps him search.

A fourth and fifth enter and repeat the above scene.

Finally one of them asks # 1: "Where did you loose the quarter ?"
# 1: (Pointing away) "Over there:.
Boy: "Then why are you looking here ?"
# 1: "Because the light is better over here !"

A scout is a door to door salesman, selling Musical Toilet Seats: If you have some cardboard make props like toilet seats.

Salesman approaches each home knocks on the door and sells the seat:

Salesman: "Good morning sir, I like to show you the newest thing in electronic technology. My company has developed the new musical toilet seat. Would you be interested in buying this modern day marvel?"(ham this up, plead beg, etc. be a door to door salesman)

Customer 1: "Do you have one that plays Dixie?"

Customer 2 asked for "Eat the Rich" .

Customer 3 asked for "Star Spangled Banner"

Salesman: "I sure do, Here it is, I hope you like it. I'll come back tomorrow to make sure you are satisfied."

The next day the Salesman goes back and asked of each customer: How did you like the musical toilet seat.?

Customer 1: "It was great, it played Dixie and I sat there with a bucket of fried chicken enjoying each note.

Customer 2: "It was great. I listened and read a copy of the Rolling Stone magazine."

Customer 3: "I hated it, It just did not work out.
Salesman responds to Customer 3: "we have never had an unsatisfied customer, what went wrong?
Customer 3: " It's that music. Every time I sit down on the toilet, it starts playing the Star Spangled Banner and I have to stand up again!"

A scout walks to the center of the campfire looking up at the sky,
keeping his head and neck very still.
Soon he is joined by another scout and then another and so on.
 Each scout looks around and then begins to look toward the sky.

 The last scout enters and asked the scout next to him,
"what are we looking at."
 He answers
"I don't know."

and then that scout asked the next until the question and get to the original scout.
The original scout replies:
"I don't know.  I've got a stiff neck!"

Cast: Salesman, Buyer, 4 people to be bicycles, Victim

 The five "bicycles" are in doggy position.

 Salesman: Here, Sir, is our most popular model. It also has an unbelievably
 low price. Try it.

 Buyer: OK -- (tries it) -- no, it's not the right size.

 Salesman: Then try this one. It's got 25 gears and goes really fast.

 Buyer: No, I don't need that many.

 Salesman: All right, try this one.

 Buyer: I don't quite like the color.

 Salesman: This one is a great mountain bike; great reports from everyone.

 Buyer: Hmmm... OK. Hey! I really like this!

 All of a sudden the mountain bike collapses -- falls down.

 Salesman: My, I'm so embarrassed. Are you sure you wouldn't like to
 purchase one of the other bicycles? They're very good.

 Buyer: Not really. I really liked this last one.

 Salesman: Hold on, let me get one of my men from the back. (Get your victim.) Do you think you can fix this bike? (Instructs him to lift up the bike
 and pull this, tighten that.) Now Sir, try it.

 Buyer: Hey! This is great! You've just sold this bike! What did your technician do?

 Salesman: Well, I guess all that was needed was a nut to hold it up!

First boy searches the ground around the campfire.

Second boy:
"What are you looking for, maybe I can help you find it.”

First boy:
"I dropped my neckerchief slide."

Second boy:
"Where were you standing when you dropped it."

First boy:
"Over there."
(He points into the darkness.)

Second boy:
"Then why are you looking over there."

First boy:
"Are you kidding? It's too dark over there. You can't see a thing."
 Squirrels

Persons runs onstage screaming

"They’re after me! They're after me!"

The Master of Ceremonies MC asks

"Who's after you"

Person replies

"The squirrels, they think I'm nuts"

First scout walks to center of stage, stands to attention, salutes and says,

"BE PREPARED."

This is repeated by three other scouts.

When they are all standing side by side, a loud motor horn or explosion is let off behind the audience.

The scouts then all say,

“WE TOLD YOU TO BE PREPARED.”

Scout 1: Whatcha doing ?

Scout 2: Writing a letter to my little brother.

Scout 1: Why are you writing so slowly?

Scout 2: Because my little brother can't read very fast!

There is a glass of water in the middle of the stage.

First scout crawls across the floor crying for water. He dies dramatically shortly after beginning his crawl.

The second person dies just short of the glass of water.

The third person on his last bit of strength really hams up his desperation as much as he can. He reaches the water, takes out a comb, grooms his hair with the water, sighs with relief and goes off stage.

Paint a verbal picture of the various scouts acting as

a cash register (person says ching, ching),

popcorn machine (goes pop, pop),

door (person holds arms horizontal, swinging saying creak, creak),

 tree,

chair,

etc.

Have three guys standing there with no parts to play.

Have several scouts come in one at a time, as customers.

They ask Granny for various items of candy; licorice, gum, etc.

Finally disgusted, a customer asks what she does have,

and she says

“all I have left is these three suckers standing in the corner.”

A boy comes out and says something like,
"Hic - I can't - Hic - get rid of these Hic-ups".
Another person comes out and asks what wrong.
He is told and yells
"BOO!"
to help the boy get rid of his hiccups. It didn't work.

Several more people try various methods to get rid of the hiccups and they are fail.

Last method is tried and seems to work, but just as he leaves the stage starts hiccuping again, so he falls to the floor in despair.

The Master of Ceremonies announces that the next skit as,
"How Indians tell time in the dark".

He recruits a few scout to dance (Indian style) around the campfire fire and Indian chanting at the same time. The MC stops and says
"listen"

hearing nothing he says this is not working. He then recruits more volunteers, dance sing chant, etc. He stops the group to
“listen”,

(still nothing).  He gets even more volunteers, repeat dance, sing chant, the final time when he stops the group to listen someone from offstage yells:
"Would you be quiet! Don't you know its 2:00 o'clock in the morning?"
 Is It Time Yet?

Line of 5-8 Scouts standing with left foot crossed over right, right arm crossed over left.
First Scout in line asks:
"IS IT TIME YET?"
Second Scout asks third, etc down the line.
Last Scout says:
"NO"
Word is passed back to the first Scout, one Scout at a time.
After a lonnnnnnnng pause, First Scout asks:
"IS IT TIME YET?"
It goes down the line as before.
Last Scout says:
"NO"
Again and the word is passed back.
Another long pause...............
First Scout asks again:
"IS IT TIME YET?"
etc and, Last Scout says:
"YES"
the answer is passed back. Just after the first Scout gets the word, they all change to right foot over left and left arm over right.

Kid: (To teacher)
May I go to the restroom?
Teacher:
First you have to say the alphabet.
Kid says the alphabet BUT leaves out the letter P.
Teacher:
You forgot the letter P. What happened to it?
Kid:
It's running down my pants!

Nosebleed person is looking down at the ground.
#1 comes in and looks around, then down, and mumbles,
Hmm, what's going down, man?
(No answer.)
#2 walks in, does the same thing, as does #3.
#4 walks in, looks up for a moment, then asks,
What are you guys doing?
Nosebleed:
 I don't know what these guys are doing, but I've got a nosebleed!

Scout #1 Oh, no!
Scout #2 What's the matter?
Scout #1 whispers to Scout #2. No one hears them.
Scout #2 Oh, no!
Scout #3 What's the matter?
Scout #2 whispers to Scout #3. No one hears them.
This continues down the line.
Second to last Scout, to last Scout Oh, no!
Last Scout What's the matter?
Second to last Scout (Whispers loud enough for everyone to hear) We don't have a skit!
Everyone exits

Cub 1: I can lift an elephant with one hand.
Cub 2: I don't believe you.
Cub 1: Give me an elephant with one hand and I'll show you.

Cub 3: I can bend bars with my bare hands.
Cub 4: Iron bars?
Cub 3: No, chocolate bars.

Cub 5: Why are you jumping up and down?
Cub 6: I took some medicine and forgot to shake well before using.

1st Scout:  "Hey George, look over there, smoke signals".

2nd Scout:   "Oh yes Mike, what do they say?"

1st Scout:   "Help............My..........Blanket's............On ..........Fire."

   PILGRIM- Whistle
   TURKEY- Gobble, Gobble
   FISH- Bubble, Bubble
   BEAR - Growl, Growl
   SQUIRREL - Chatter, Chatter
   BEE - Buzz, Buzz
   DUCK - Quack, Quack
   HUNT - All Sounds

   Divide the group into eight smaller groups and assign each group one of the words listed above. Read
   the story. After each of the words is read pause for the group to make the appropriate response.

   Once upon a time, there was a PILGRIM __ who decided to go out to HUNT __ for a TURKEY __
   for his Thanksgiving dinner. As he walked along through the forest, all of a sudden he met a DUCK
   __ He said, "Have you seen the TURKEY __? I'm on a big HUNT __ for him." "No", said the DUCK
   __ with a sly wink. So the PILGRIM __ marched along till all of a sudden he spied a SQUIRREL __
   playing in the tree tops. "Good day, SQUIRREL __, said the PILGRIM __. 'Have you seen the
   TURKEY __? I'm on a big HUNT __ for him." "No, no," said the SQUIRREL __, smiling behind his
   paw. As the PILGRIM __ crossed the brook, he bent down from the bridge when he saw a FISH __
   swimming near the surface. "Oh, FISH __," said he, "has the TURKEY __ been down to the water
   for a drink today?" "No, not for a long time," said the FISH __, diving deep to hide his laughter.
   The poor PILGRIM __ continued down the shady path and suddenly came face to race with a big,
   brown BEAR __. "Hello, B-BEAR __," he said, "H-Have you s-seen the TURKEY __? I'm on a big
   HUNT __ for Him." "No" said the BEAR __, "I don't even know what a TURKEY __ Is, but he
   gave a rumbling laugh. The PILGRIM __ was feeling quite depressed by now, for he thought that he
   would never find the TURKEY __. Finally, he saw a BEE __ buzzing by, "Stop a minute, BEE __,"
   he said. "You fly just about everywhere, Is the TURKEY __ near? I'm on a big HUNT __ for him."
   "No," buzzed the BEE __, "nowhere around here," and he flew away, buzzing hard to hide his
   chuckles. Soon the PILGRIM __ saw ahead of him a clump of bushes and small trees. As he neared
   it, there suddenly rang out or them the most deafening noise you ever heard. It was the most
   ferocious growl of the BEAR __, the loudest buzz of the BEE __, the biggest bubbles of the FISH
   __, deepest gobble of the TURKEY __. Mr. TURKEY __ had hidden himself In the midst or the
   thicket, and all or his animal friends had gathered together to try to scare the PILGRIM __ out of
   his boots and away from the TURKEY __. But the joke was on him, for guess what? All the
   PILGRIM __ had wanted to do was Invite the TURKEY __ to help him eat his bountiful harvest -
   Thanksgiving Dinner! As the poor misunderstood PILGRIM __ let our a very loud yell and took off
   for home, all heard him exclaim as he went out of sight, "That's the last HUNT __ I'll go on, so good
   night, good night!".

Props needed: one chair, one fishing pole, green garbage bag half filled with crumpled paper.

The Scene set-up: Leader sits on chair, holding pole, making like he is fishing. Another leader announces that the scene takes place on a frozen lake. The sitting leader is obviously a successful fisherman, because look at all of the fish that he has in his garbage bag.

First Leader: (Walks on) Wow! Look at all of the fish! What's your secret? Etc., etc...

Fisherman mumbles a reply but doesn't open mouth... first leader says can't understand reply... while first leader is trying to get fisherman to say something, second leader walks on, and goes through the 'Wow... What's your secret?' routine.... Fisherman mumbles a reply, but still doesn't open mouth. Continue this until all of the leaders are on stage, with all leaders commenting on 'What's your secret?'.... Once all of the leaders are on stage, everyone starts to get angry at fisherman for not replying in a way that they can understand.., etc., etc.

Finally, fisherman cups hands under his mouth, and goes 'Patooee', and says something like: 'Well, the secret to my success is that you have to keep the worms warm!'.

Grossed the cubs out, but this skit has been done at every campfire since then.

It requires 5 people ( one with a towel over head, 2 customers, one announcer, and a leader)

ANNOUNCER: "come one come all see the ugliest man in the world!"

CUSTOMER 1: (walks by)

ANNOUNCER: "you sir would you like to see the ugliest man in the world it only costs one dollar!"

CUSTOMER 1: "sure" ( hands announcer a dollar, lifts up the towel, screams, and runs away)

CUSTOMER 2: does the same thing

CUSTOMER 3: ( a scoutmaster or something) does basically the same thing but instead the ugly man screams and runs away

This can also be run using the theme Smelliest, worst breath, etc.